


Never Again

by Heylittleyahtzee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/F, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 21:43:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1443958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heylittleyahtzee/pseuds/Heylittleyahtzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye can't find anywhere on the bus that doesn't remind her of Ward. In her wandering she stumbles upon Jemma in the lab. They talk about how everything sucks, and then they decide to make it suck just a little bit less. Spoilers for 1x17</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> So, there was a fatal car accident across the parking lot last night and all our power went out and it was freeaaaky so this might not be as polished as it should be. It was written under emotional duress. There is also a slight deviation from canon, in that everyone knows Ward is a traitor at the end of 1x17. Happy reads!

Skye's not sure what she's more pissed about, Shield being dismantled or Ward going over to the dark side. They were both pretty shitty. She'd just gotten her badge like, what? Two days ago? And then to top it all off one of her closest friends turned on them, shot a bunch of people, and disappeared. Perfect. Amazing. 

She honestly feels like someone's ripped her heart out. Not in some mushy romantic way, though she did kiss Ward for good luck and maybe because she didn't know how to say thank-you to someone who was obviously in love with her. That wasn't really something she'd gotten any experience with living out of a van. No, this heart ripping was more of the "Luke, I am your father," variety. Ward had trained her and she'd trusted him and now...

She realizes as she's wandering around the bus to set up shop with her laptop that there's literally not a single place on the top deck that doesn't make her think of Ward. Their pods are next to each other, he'd watch movie marathons with them, he always made coffee in the morning. He's everywhere. She wanders post May in the cockpit checking systems. She wanders past Coulson talking to Fury over their one secure line. She wanders past Fitz repairing a hole in the side of the plane. She wanders all the way down to the end of the plane looking for something she can't quite put her finger on. She finds it in the lab. 

She and Jemma haven't talked since they got back to the bus. Skye was immediately relegated to getting some type of communications back up and Simmons disappeared almost instantly. They hadn't even talked at the hub. By the time it was all over they'd been shocked to silence. They'd walked back to the bus in dead silence, Fitze and Simmons in front, then Skye, with May and Coulson bringing up the rear. The only thing Sky remembers from the walk is wanting to reach forward and take Jemma's hand in her own. She should've. She didn't.

Jemma is in the lab brushing glass off expensive equipment and trying to fit all her samples into the one remaining cooler. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are red. As Skye moves in closer she swears she can hear Jemma sniffling and clearing her throat. Skye knocks on the frame of the door, though all the glass was gone. Jemma springs up and quickly tried to smooth out her clothes and hair. 

"You aren't supposed to be down here," she chides. It’s true Coulson had forbade them from going into the hanger because the ramp was broken and anyone could just waltz in. Skye plops her laptop down onto the table and jumps up to sit beside it anyway. Jemma stays on the other side of the lab. A strange tension hangs in the air. If either of them moves toward the other it will shatter and cut into already fresh wounds. Skye wants to get right up in Jemma’s face and soak up everything about her, but it would be better not to. Better in the long run.

"You were here first, besides," Skye takes a deep breath and forced a smile. No Ward, "this is the only place I've found that doesn't remind me of everything." Simmons regards her curiously.

"Really? But it's a mess in here I don't understand how you could possibly forget that..." Simmons trails off as the thought strikes her and she clears her throat to start again, "You mean with Ward?" Skye looks down at her hands and sighs.

"I know, it's stupid," she says, because there really isn't anything else she can say, not really. Just like that the tension is broken and it hurts but its not a new hurt, just the same old thing. Simmons carefully abandons the sample in her hand and walks over to stand in front of Skye. Their fingers intertwine over Skye's knees and rest there.

"It is not stupid. He was important to you, no matter strange circumstances or high-stakes or anything else you're going to come up with," she says quietly. Skye nods and runs her thumbs over the sides of Jemma's fingers. They twitch against her own. Jemma sucks in air sharply through her teeth.

"Are you alright?" Skye asks. Jemma forces a smile this time and it’s no better than Skye’s. 

"Perfectly well, thank you," but Jemma is still a terrible liar even if she's getting better at it. Skye tugs on her hands.

"Jemma," she says. Jemma bites her lip and shrugs.

"This is our home y'know?" she says softly, "Me and Fitz, we went to academy young and straight into shield and it's all we've ever known. And know it's dirty." Her eyes are filling with tears again that she's trying to wipe away and her voice is breaking against her accent. Skye scoots to the edge of the table and pulls Jemma into a hug. She's warm and real under Skye's hands. For the first time in five hours Skye breathes. 

"This is the first place that really felt like home," she admits quietly. Jemma tightens her hold around Skye's waist.

"I know you've only had your badge for a day," Jemma says, straightening up to look directly into Skye's eyes, "but we will always be your family, shield or not." Skye smiles at her and then she's crying too, all over Jemma and herself. It's probably disgusting. She can feel the damp spots on her shirt where Jemma's crying against her shoulder and the tears as the fall down her cheeks and into Jemma's hair. They're practically crushing each other. It won't be okay until they just disappear into one another. Scratch that, it won't be okay ever. 

Eventually a strange quiet calm settles over them. They remain together, just within each other's arms but just without. Skye's mind is still racing, though it's better with Jemma there. Everything is better with Jemma there. Skye can't stop thinking about Ward, about what had happened between them.

"I kissed him," she blurts out, "I don't know why but I did and now I can just feel it like some horrible disease eating away at my face." Jemma looks shocked at her admission but doesn't move, which Skye thinks might be a good thing.

"Well, what do you usually do to take your mind off things?" she asks. Skye shrugs and kicks her feet a little on either side of Jemma's legs.

"I don't know. I go dancing, or drink, or... kiss somebody else," Skye sighs. Jemma's eyes widen almost comically. Skye's snap to meet them and she realizes what she's just said and where she is and who she's with and for the first time in two days she's not thinking about Ward. 

No, she's thinking about how she's just ruined any chance she has with Jemma by making their first ever romanticish moment an emotionally charged pity party in which they discuss everything they love being gone and kissing other people. Good going Skye, she thinks to herself, now she's never going to come near you again.

"Well," Jemma says and Skye doesn't have time to apologize for shitty timing because the next thing she knows Jemma's kissing her and she's kissing her back.

It's soft and sweet but so thorough that Skye can't even try to pretend this is just some friendly favor. She groans appreciatively and threads her fingers into Jemma's hair. She feels it when Jemma smiles into the kiss and there will never ever be anything better than knowing what it feels like when Jemma smiles. Comforting arms encircle her waist and hold on tightly. Jemma's palms are flat on her back but her fingers are curled and digging into her shirt. When they part Skye has to take a few deep breaths. Jemma is still smiling faintly, but her eyes are as devastated as ever.

"This isn't just because we're going through hell right?" Skye asks worriedly. Jemma shakes her head slowly.

"I just couldn't imagine going through all this with you and not being, well," she shrugs again,"With you."

"We're already screwed right? Not getting together would just be a waste of time," Skye reasons.

"A perfect use of logic, Agent Skye," Jemma confirms. Skye leans forward and kisses Jemma until she's breathless. When she pulls back there's a spark in her eye that wasn't there before.

"Y'know this is the first time I've ever gone through a disaster and didn't feel completely alone," she whispers. 

"Never again," Jemma says, "Never again."

 


End file.
